2025 starts on 3 February.....

Hibernate with me and my INs and OUTs

Last year I very consciously decided that January was going to be a slow month and that I was NOT going to see it as a time to ramp up activity, make any resolutions, take on any projects or expend energy I didn’t have (which is what our society encourages). And it’s also what we learn in a family where we don’t get our own needs met as children. Where the care flows up the generations (instead of from parent to child). Where we are valued for what we can DO and PRODUCE as opposed to being valued just for being us. I actively embraced the idea of hibernating, resting, being cosy, using my hot water bottle and I even managed some 10pm bedtimes (I find early bed a real struggle). Instead, I love sleeping late on the weekends AND I do want early bed to be easier for me.

This year I am doing the same thing and am energetically starting 2025 in February. Monday 3 February to be precise. Looking at various calendars gives some precedent for this. Candlemas is a Christian festival celebrated 40 days after Christmas. Imbolc is a Gaelic festival day to mark the beginning of Spring (traditionally held on 1 Feb, midway between the winter solstice on 21 December and the spring equinox on 21 March). Both of these allude to the idea that January is a changing over month. Why start with a bang at the beginning?

We don’t need to do anything in January - no need for new ideas or projects or feeling bad if you are ‘not achieving’. What does that even mean anyway? What if we considered January a rest month? What if we did just what was necessary and no more? What if we lay down or put our feet up at each and every opportunity? What if we practised doing less as an experiment? What if we soothed and warmed ourselves with heat (I am obsessed with my hot water bottle, can you tell) as much as possible?

What if we tolerated (a bit more of ) the discomfort we may feel when resting? Discomfort doesn’t mean resting is bad, it likely means that somewhere along the line we learnt rest was lazy, not allowed, unproductive or weak. None of which are true.

Parenting takes the intensity of Christmas and the expectations around this time to new levels. The idea that Christmas is a break is comical. It is a period of hard work with intensity, overwhelm, underwhelm, joy, sadness, love, happiness, boredom, grief and more all in the mix. What if we considered January a rest and recovery period after this end of year intensity?

Amazingly, and very joyfully, my resting ability has improved. Why don’t you join me in improving yours? If you like to read I suggest Tricia Hersey’s book Rest is Resistance all about the topic of rest. In 2024, I was starkly confronted with how chronically stressed I was and how this was impacting my health (in multiple ways) and my ability to be present in my life. Because of the way my nervous system was patterned in childhood this high stress was habitual and felt normal to me. When I was stressed and overwhelmed it seemed to make sense to take on more, to work more, to do more activities, to sign up for another course/membership/programme. You can listen to this episode to hear more about my (ongoing) journey around this.

In February and March last year I became acutely aware of how I perpetuated this chronically stressed state. Following a call with my sisters where I was again complaining of exhaustion and stress one of them shared how she had helped herself. I followed her advice. I shed whatever I could, put other things on hold, acknowledged (sadly) that I would probably be inactive in spaces I had just joined and practised not taking new things on (which felt hard). I took a break from recording for my podcast Grow Yourself Up. I paid more attention to my health. I find this complicated, I seem to disconnect and dissociate around following up with appointments, booking tests, following through. So I stuck with things more.

And I am still learning to stick with myself more.

As I focus on this I am carefully considering what I would like my life to look like (the bits that I can control). Have you considered what is IN and what is OUT for you? Why don’t you try it? And what resonates from my list below?

What is IN for me this year?

• In person hobbies. Just before the pandemic I signed up for a street dance class as I had a dream of dancing in a group. I imagined myself as part of some flash dance mob like this one at St Pancras International Station or this one The Sound of Music at Antwerp Station - watch till at least 2 mins 30 in. I attended 2 or maybe 3 lessons and then we got put into lockdown. My flash dance mob dream in tatters. It is time to resuscitate it. 5 years later and I am not sure I have the same pull to do street dancing but I am pondering what class to join. For joy. For community. For connection. And to learn something new.

• Shorter, more regular bursts of socialising.

• Weights. I am a 48 year old woman. Probably in perimenopause. And I am definitely behind the curve/late to the party on the weights front. I have a book called ‘Strong Woman Stay Young’. I have never read it but the title gives me the information I need!! And I listened to a clip of Dr Mindy Pelz say that I need to consider what I want to be doing when I am 80 and start exercising for that now. Enough said.

• A regular yoga practise. Good for me, good for my mind, good for my fascia.

• Choir singing. I LOVE singing carols at Christmas, I love singing along to music (especially alone in the car) and I have wanted to sing in a choir for a while. Recently, it struck me that I don’t have to wait till Christmas to sing.

• A better bedtime routine. Earlier bedtime and less TV and scrolling.

• Receiving. There is vulnerability in receiving (love, care, attention, time) and I am stepping into this more. I wrote more about the vulnerability in receiving and how complex this is here.

• Reciprocity in all the things. Air time in conversations, relationships, care in my partnership. You will be able to sense on a nervous system level where this is present or lacking. Listen to and trust yourself.

• Regular Gratitude practice. I am doing this each morning as I lie in bed. It is helping me start my day in a better frame of mind. Maybe this will help me be a ‘morning person’????????

• Mindfulness around my time and where I direct my attention and energy.

• More music and singing in my life in all the ways.

• More constructive and joyful use of my evenings which links to the bedtime routine point above. And reducing watching mindless TV (see below).

What is OUT for me this year?

• Self abandonment. I have written more about this here and here. Realistically this is a stepping down process. We don’t go from doing this as a survival strategy to suddenly being free of self abandonment behaviours.

• Only feeling good/valuable when I am needed. I am allowed to exist and enjoy my life independently of providing value for others. This takes awareness, practice and is a process. This is one of the MOST effective and celebrated coping strategies, is deeply embedded from childhood, and it may feel deeply discombobulating to start moving away from this.

• Watching series on TV. Yes I get drawn in but do they add anything to my life??? Is being part of the cultural zeitgeist in terms of what is shown on Netflix or Disney or Apple TV important to me? I loved Ted Lasso. I loved FISK (hilarious Australian lawyer). I loved Breaking Bad (pre kids, not sure I could stomach it now). I started The Morning Show. BUT what do they add to my life???? Just another dopamine hit.

• Sugar. I have broken up with sugar before and had long periods without it. To be really honest, I have found it an important part of my toolkit to manage my mothering experience (it has provided some joy, reward and energy) AND I have also used it to push myself beyond my capacity. I am ready to reevaluate this and stop using it so much. Sugar contributes to anxiety and impacts my sleep so having a sugar free period feels like a good idea.

• Self criticism. Also involves a step down process, going to catch myself quicker.

• Comparing to others. I find this a really hard one. I often find myself going down the comparison route. And it always leads to me feeling bad about myself. The best thing I have found to help with this is to refocus on myself, my journey, my purpose and to lean into believing I am enough.

• Sugar and caffeine to boost productivity. I am trying to come back in line with what my body is actually capable of, instead of constantly trying to push it beyond its limits.

• Excessive procrastination on tasks. With some things I am a MACHINE. And with some tasks I procrastinate way too much. Anything that is boring takes herculean effort, I am much better at complex or interesting things or things I need to get done for my children. But that new passport application? It might take years……..I have developed my own little workaround to deal with this. Now if a task is WAY TOO BORING I note the last date that it has to be done and I put a note in my diary about that. Then on that last possible date I get it done. Because urgency motivates me :-) this is also not very efficient. Hence adding the above to my list.

I would love to hear your INs and OUTs. Do you struggle with procrastination?

Wishing you all a joyful and gentle 2025, may it be filled with laughter, love and good health.

Love Cath