Shame spirals and sliding door moments

Do we have the ability to choose......?

Shame spirals……are like sliding door moments and I have been pondering recently to what extent we can interrupt the slide into a shame spiral. Is it in fact possible to skip the shame spiral and go straight to feeling better? Can we focus on what is occurring and talk ourselves through it? Can we use our brain to talk our physiology out of a process? Or, by the time we realise what is happening, is it a bit too late?

I don’t have a definite answer to this and need to get more data. It certainly takes a long time to develop this dual awareness of what is going on and to cultivate staying present for it. Regardless of whether we can interrupt it, I want to talk to you about shame spirals, how they are to be expected if we come from a family with chronic shame (which is widespread and not talked about enough) and how we can help ourselves through them.

I had a massive shame spiral at my friends house recently. She is a dear friend and also quite a new friend who I have met on my mothering journey. The newness is negated by the fact that we have connected deeply, speak very honestly and my nervous system can sense the reciprocity in the relationship. Also, maybe this is the way when we get older? I don’t have time for small talk and feel exhausted by being in friendships where there is no or little authenticity, reciprocity or loving support. Especially when times are hard. I want friends who run towards me when things are hard for me and who run towards me when things are hard for them. I want reciprocity for both of us. And this can take time to develop and be safe enough for each party.