Managing the ghosts of Christmas's past

So we can actually be present now......

I did a post on social media recently about how the main work for many of us at this time of year may be grief work. More than any time of year Christmas represents a time of family, of coming together, of joyful reunion and sharing food and rituals together (this relates to the Western world). AND for many of us this is the LEAST likely thing to happen because of the complexity around family, trauma, expectations, fantasies of how things will go, roles we played in childhood, conflict, stress responses and much more. This can bring up so much sadness - hence the grief work.

Also, sometimes I wonder if modern Christmas is just a massive capitalist fantasy projection to ensure we SPEND, CONSUME and TOIL in pursuit of creating this (fantasy and perhaps unattainable) amazing time. Maybe this in itself keeps us trapped to some extent.

Often the gap between how we imagine Christmas will be (or could be) and the reality of what actually happens can be a gaping chasm filled with disappointment, sadness and dashed hopes. And if we had difficult Christmases as a child the embodied sense of futility, hopelessness and powerlessness can really attack hard at Christmas. How can we move away from this? How can we have more realistic expectations? And how can we actually enjoy some of what we have planned?