Landing in 2024.....real life, suffering, being with and allowing what is here
Reflections on healing
Upcoming: I have 2 other posts lined up: 1. one on being a parentified child and how our own trauma/family roles may be being activated right now in the context of world events and 2. the second is all about how we can maintain sanity, come back to being grounded amidst the world burning and how we can use our energy for good. This post below is all about right now.
It is the beginning of 2024, I hoped to feel rested, rejuvenated and renewed after Christmas and New Year and the truth is I feel the opposite. The ache in my back has got worse over the last 2 weeks, it feels like it has rained more than it has ever rained over this period in the UK and full time caregiving seems to have drained every last drop of energy from my body. I seem to have forgotten how to savour joy and feel snappy and irritable with those around me.
I decided to be ruthlessly honest with you - my paid subscribers - because I know others feel the same and because a huge part of Nurture.Heal.Grow is breaking down shame and learning to love and nurture ourselves however we are being. We are much more likely to be able to extend this to our kids when we can do it for ourselves (and some of us come to this self acceptance via our love for our kids). The voices in my head say to me ‘how can you write this with all that is going on in the world’, ‘don’t be ungrateful’, ‘don’t be self indulgent’, ‘how can you write this when you so wanted and love your kids’.
I lovingly say to those voices that my experiences matter too. I am not invalid because I am not experiencing the greatest suffering on the planet right now. And yet, this is how many of us treat ourselves.
We imagine a hierarchy of trauma and suffering, I personally don’t believe this is helpful. It does not benefit you or those who you put above or below you in this imagined hierarchy. This type of hierarchy implies that empathy, love and compassion are finite resources. It smacks of scarcity which is an unhelpful motivator and puts us into competition with each other in our capitalist society. I see love, compassion and empathy as limitless and I want to remind you that we all deserve self compassion. AND in order to serve/support/honour the suffering, pain and trauma of others we actually need to be resourced ourselves. A huge part of that is acknowledging and honouring the fullness and complexity of our own story and giving ourselves what we need.